Surviving the War Within: A Veteran’s Journey to Healing and Hope - The Inspiring Story of Mandy Stingis

This is The Unholy Union. A podcast where you'll be subjected to highly offensive marital discourse. If you do not feel insulted during this week's episode, don't worry. We'll try harder next week. If you can relate to our ramblings, we wanna be friends with you. If you believe that we take it too far or our mouths are too much for you, then with as much love and sincerity as we can muster, you can suck it. Welcome to The Unholy Union.

The Unholy Union podcast would like to welcome our next special guest this week, my cousin, Mandy Stengis.

You sound so fancy. I know. I'm really happy.

And not only is she my cousin, and we've been close since we were kids, she is also a wife, a mother, a mental health advocate, a veteran, a chef, a Penn State alum Yeah. And a social media community voice for organizations

such as CREW and Lady Scouts.

She's done it all at this point. Yeah. Her her rap sheet is like a CVS receipt.

Just change 20.

No. But her story is one of perseverance and determination to have the life she deserves, and we are so excited to have her join us today and share it with our listeners.

Thanks for being here today. Yeah. Thanks for having me, guys. Actually, since you put out the challenge of we're gonna get people who have accomplished great things

onto the show.

So it's in my head. I'm like, what have I accomplished? Like my accomplishment is that I'm surviving.

Well And that's all anybody can do every day. So,

that is a huge accomplishment, and you're gaining the life that you are building for yourself.

Right? So to me, again, perseverance,

determination,

and

that is an inspirational story, period. Yes. No. Then thank you for that. I think we all go through these tough times, these different traumas, and we sometimes don't even call them that. We just say, oh, well, that was a tough day.

But it just all kinds of

makes these little tiny cuts in you and until finally one day you're like, oh, I didn't fix this. So now there's a big gaping hole in me, and I can't I can't fix it. So you're kinda face to deal with

it in those moments,

and I have just happened to done that very publicly.

Can

you expand on that a little bit? If you're comfortable with that. You said publicly so, but then this is in the public.

Yes. Absolutely.

And I would say different stages

of what I've gone through.

I finally started opening up about, there's different spots in my past where I really haven't been too vocal and there's other areas where I was like, okay, I'm comfortable sharing this because I'm going through it right now.

I happen to be an army veteran

who decided that they were gonna join because I thought the war was over.

Joke was on me.

I immediately got deployed. I showed up expecting this is my weekend.

And they told me, hey, you're deploying at the end of this year, which is not something that I was mentally prepared

for. Not something my family was mentally prepared for. I mean, there were several times my dad said, I will pay somebody to knock you up,

which is not a conversation that you wanna have with your dad.

Right. It was either that or else he was gonna bust my legs. And Right.

That's also something you don't want to be afraid of your dad for. Like, I would come into the garage and I'd be like, we better walk really quickly past all these tools. He has a hammer.

Yes. Yes.

So luckily, we we happen to all get through that.

I went to Afghanistan

for about 9 months in country,

3 months train up and getting back in the states. And I will tell you,

not an experience that I would like to do again.

I would say it was probably the best and worst time of my life.

There were times where I was like, yes, I am

so strong. And it forced me to get in the best physical shape that I was in,

but it also

really

drained me as a person and kind of numbed me to a lot of different things.

I didn't

work with like explosives

or,

what I thought in my head was a very dangerous thing.

So whenever I got deployed, I was working with helicopters.

I was helping to refuel them. So pretty much out of the line of fire because they wanna keep that stuff real safe.

But

we had an incident on our base where we had an IED

on a fuel truck that was getting ready to come into the base. I was not near it. Like, I wasn't right there

going, oh my gosh. It's exploding.

I was asleep. So I I was in a tent and I was getting ready to go to sleep.

And that is not

a a a spot where you wanna be whenever something is happening. And our base was very teeny teeny,

super small,

1 mile long, if that.

And like, it felt like it was right there and just hearing

commotion,

and being startled

awake, like that's a point in your day where you're very, very vulnerable

and I was not prepared for it. And there was only maybe 1 or 2 other females in my tent.

So it wasn't something where I was like, oh, I've got all of these

comrades around me. Like, I am ready to go. I,

in that moment, felt like this is it.

Yeah. For sure. Shit's hitting the fan. Like, I am ready. I don't have my year on. I just didn't know what was going on. And that jolted me. And you went from

being really, really feeling like you're safe

to an instant being like, oh my gosh. Like, I can die every single day from Yeah. For sure.

And I was near the end of my deployment when that happened. So I

I had to finish that out.

I really tried to push back those emotions because I kept thinking in my head I wasn't even there. Like, I wasn't even out there.

I didn't

have somebody shooting

anything like that. I just felt like You're trying to justify. Right? I don't have a a reason to feel like this. Especially whenever you return,

you have people telling you, hey,

don't you want to go home? If you say something,

you bring something up, you say you're hurt, you say you're dealing with these,

their immediate response is, don't you wanna go home to see your your family? And they try to really push that away.

So you're not really

supported.

Oh, yeah. To even speak up. And I didn't feel comfortable

speaking about it. And it

almost destroyed a lot of my life. It destroyed relationships.

Obviously I am divorced.

So I dealt with that. I had to deal with that immediately.

And then the anger and the numbness, there was no

in between. It was just I was either really upset.

The first thing that I said to my younger sister when she came to pick me up at the airport

was quit crying, you pussy.

Like like, that is not me.

Right. As a person before that or a person after that, and I can see that. So it just, it took a really long time to even come to terms that I

had something going on and that I could

feel that way. And

it, it wasn't until,

you know, a year or 2 later that I, I really came head on with it. Got into a new relationship with my current husband

and feeling that support system with him and also recovering that with my family,

some of my friends,

and then going back to school. And I would say faith, like faith

definitely saved my life.

For sure. Just

all throughout my life. Like, there has never been a moment where

I was felt like I was abandoned and that

I can, you know, attest to my family and

my my faith.

Right. Right. See, that that

was what

pushed me through too. You know, I've talked about my journey through all that stuff as well,

and you helped me there. Yeah.

Because you were you were going through it. I mean, you were going through it a little bit before me,

but we're still we're all

going through something like you said earlier. I feel like the family aspect and the faith aspect definitely pushed me over the edge. Having our daughter

Yeah. Looking at her, and I'm like, alright. I have to get better. There's no choice here. You know? I have to be a dad,

and that is the most important thing.

So what do you think? Is there anything that that you would say to somebody who's thinking about

joining and

what can they do to prepare for it? I feel like there's nothing you can do to prepare for that. Even for someone who doesn't deploy. Russ, you didn't deploy on when you were in the coast guard. You, you know, were

within the United States Yeah. And you would go undersea or underseas. Oh, you're whatever.

Underway.

Underway.

Oh, whatever the

Undersea. I was on a submarine in there. I know. I thought we were going there and I was like, wait, it's too soon for that. Like, we can't we can't talk about submarines yet.

For that experience, you mentioned, you know, when we were going through our, previous podcast, Russ, for your experience that had a part in what you went through mental health wise. And,

so I mean, to both of you, I think, whether or not you're being deployed just that experience in general is something that

can be traumatic. Right? Is there any any advice you would give? Don't do it. Don't don't do it unless you're joining the Air Force.

Right. All of those branches can probably come together and say, with consensus,

join the workforce. Where I was was a crapshoot. It was living in tents. It was loose gravel, like, you're constantly rolling your ankles. And across the road,

there was an air force base

that had paved roads Yeah. Actual bit standing buildings,

a massage parlor,

a pizza place, a bar. Like, all of this was going on and none of us knew about it unless you went to sick call and you had to throw on all of your gear

and go across the road like you were going into war. And then you got there and you're like, woah.

This is a city.

Yeah. Like, these guys have it all. Like Right. Over there eating dominoes or something.

Yeah. So I would say dominoes in Afghanistan.

Yeah. They have all kinds of crazy they had Domino's. I think they had McDonald's

variations and stuff like Subway.

I don't know what kind of meat you're eating.

Yeah. Right. But it's definitely better than the

12 versions of curry

that I'm eating over in my towel. Yeah. You you you you pour hot water into a bag and then whatever it turns into, that's what you eat. Yeah.

I will

say whoever is

considering it, if you're considering it for

the sole reason of having school paid for, watch out because unless you were active duty,

there are very

particular things that you need to do. If you're going for school

repayment for, like, student loans you already have, it has to be on your contract from day 1. If not, well, guess what? You gotta extend and you gotta have 6 years on your contract from the day

that you wanna have those things paid. I joined because I had already gone to college and I wanted it to be paid back.

My paperwork got messed up. I didn't have student loan repayment.

So at that point, I was a chef and I was like, you know what? I don't like my job. So I'm gonna go back to college and now I'm gonna do it this way and go for tax accounting. And guess what? They paid 60%

of my college

tuition and everything like that just because I that's all I had earned as a reservist.

I had not earned the full. In order to get the remaining, I would have had to have deployed

at least 3 more times.

Not worse. Oh my gosh. That's crazy. And you know, you're not gonna do that just based on what happened to you. No.

No. My dad straight up would have broke my legs if I ever

hinted on that. Like,

I

ended up getting

not really deployed, but they sent me to near Washington DC

whenever they were going through the Democratic

and the

Republican National Conventions.

Right. I was with the military police unit at that point and they were like, hey, guess what? You guys are on call for riot control. And that that was also fun because I got paste.

So for fun,

they have to certify that you can handle that and know how to deal with that or at least know what to experience with that. So they maced us and then we went to the gas chamber later.

So 2 for 1, I thought I would never have to do

the gas chamber again, and I was doing it again. People thought it was for fun.

You're right. Right. Well, see and that's the thing is, like, it's glorified so much that

people see it on TV.

They see basic training on TV. It's all glossed over. Yeah. Basic training, they they straight up told us when we got there. Their job is to break you down mental

and physical Yep. And then build you back up.

And

I don't think people understand

how far that goes.

Yes. And Like, breaking down, they they they said that we wanna make sure that you want this.

And I'm like I didn't want it. Oh, you're wrong.

I saw a lot of people break, and I came very, very close at a lot of different times because

you can be doing things perfectly.

You could be shutting your mouth, and you could be doing things exactly how they tell you to do, and you have somebody in your unit that won't shut up and they keep talking out in there. Yep. You're just wondering why are you even here? Like, you join into this. You knew you would have to follow orders and now you're not going to, and you would punish

you all. And Right. Well, I mean,

mine too was at the very beginning, they

would

give you a task, and it was impossible.

Mhmm.

And you would fail, and everybody got punished. And it was like that every day from I can't remember. We woke up at, like, 4:30

until

10 o'clock at night. It was fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. So they it was like you couldn't do anything right. Yep.

Yep. Then you're not getting paid shit.

Oh, yeah. At that point, it doesn't matter. Like, you're not using it that at that point. You're in

basically a prison cell.

Right. That's exactly how it fell. So you rack up all this money and you're like, yeah, I'm making that

active duty pay, but you're not doing anything with it during that time until you do and then you're like real done with it.

Right. Well and then it it's not that much money, period.

In comparison, like, if I was working a full time job, no. Not not even close.

Not worth it. I think wasn't it, like, $700

twice a month? Uh-huh. It was $700

twice a month.

That was unbelievable,

and I thought that was a lot.

Yeah. Yep. Well, but again, you're also young. You know, typically, people who join up are very young. And to them, it's

quote unquote easy paycheck. Right?

Yeah. But you know what? That's that's what they make it sound like especially at recruiting facilities. Like you join and you go through basic and you get whatever job you want after you go to a school. And it's like they make it sound like it's some easy breezy thing, but

to me, that is misleading. It is misrepresentation

of what people actually go through when they do join because

you didn't know you were gonna be deployed. No. And especially I did not know

there were jobs that you could get bonuses with.

Like, I joined into where they

had a spot open and they're like, yeah. I think you should go in this. Whereas, if they would have just said, hey,

Go do this. You'll get $30,000.

I would have said, hey. Let's do that instead. That's a job that I ended up doing, but I didn't get that bonus for. I just ended up being cross trained

and put into it. Right. Well, they they guaranteed me straight out of boot camp, a school,

and then they

pulled a fast one. Like, right before I went to,

the processing facility in Baltimore,

they said, oh, you're not qualified for that. So me being young,

I was like, I don't give a shit. I'm almost there. I just gotta sign more paperwork, and then I get to be Put me in. Yeah. I get to be put in the coast guard.

Well, come to find out, I then get

to basic and they're they go through all this stuff asking you what do you wanna do, what job, what's your goals, and things like that. And I said,

I wanna be an electronics technician, but they told me I wasn't qualified.

And they were like, dude, you're qualified. I was like, what the fuck? And then they said, oh, it's too late. It's too late for you to do that. I said, of course, it is because that was a $30,000

signing bonus job

that I was told that I was qualified, then you bait and switched me until

I sign the paper. Yep. And now I'm screwed. Now I don't. Now right out of basic, I had to go to a boat.

That was my duty station, and I had to scrub toilets

and things like that because

I was a non rate still, which I had no rank.

I was just there to pick up trash and do very basic things. And I'm like, this is dumb. Yeah. Well, that's all that all that active duty is.

Right. But it was just like it could I couldn't believe it that

I mean, I'm not I wasn't trying to, like, toot my own horn or anything, but I passed the ASBAB with these super flying colors. And I'm like, you guys are putting me in

to this? Yeah. And it and it's almost insulting.

And that messed with my mental health too because I'm like, I am cleaning

toilets. Yep.

You know, it it was

agitating.

Yeah. I mean, it sounds like you both had similar experiences with the military for sure,

and you both are alluding to the fact that it had impact on your mental health. Let's just

Russ, you've already had your turn on a previous podcast.

Mandy, what do you think was the moment that you realized I need help?

I think

I have always had these kind of bouts with depression

being younger. I

I actually went through depression

in high school

and I attempted to take my own life.

In

knowing those, I guess, maybe warning signs of what led up to that.

I could see those patterns happening again and

it no longer was

I feel happy. I'm doing this. I have these goals in life. It was this life sucks.

I cannot

do this anymore. I had anger issues.

It just, it was taking a toll

on everything.

And I

didn't think about the future. If anything, I think the military, one of the the main things that it did with my mental health

is I just thought about dying

all the time. I would just be out and about. I would be like, I'm gonna die. Like, just moments of panic where it was just completely irrational.

But I would just

think in my head, this is it. I'm going to die.

I'm gonna have a heart attack. Somebody's gonna stab me. Just all these thoughts, and it would just be so intrusive

to everything that I was doing. And I didn't have that purpose

that I felt like I've had all my life and I needed

to talk to somebody because I felt like

it was leading me down that that kind of scary path. Yeah. You felt like it was the end. Yeah. Yeah. And I would say the first therapist that I talked to sucked

sucked so bad, and that's usually how it goes. Yeah.

I tried to do it the right way and go through the VA and talk to somebody there and

literally the very first session that I had with her, she, I felt like she coached me to say

everything I needed to say to make her happy and get out of the way that I was fine and I just needed to count to 10 whenever I was having a moment and realized that I'm not going to die. And it's just it was in and out and I felt like I had just wasted my time. Yep. If it was as easy as counting to 10,

she wouldn't have a job.

Yeah. Because everybody would count to 10 and be all happy. You know?

That's not how this shit works.

Let's go towards the happier stuff.

You felt like it was the end and

that was your your turning point of going after help. Yes. What do you think actually pushed you over the edge

and you started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?

I was in college. So I was down at,

Penn Station. I go, whoop whoop.

And it's a very small campus. Like everyone there knows who everyone is. And I worked in student affairs,

so I got to see a lot of different people and

like working with the faculty,

like it was very hard to if you had a problem

for them not to see it. And

they were continuously, like, pulling me into things going, hey, look, there's this club we think you should join. And I at that point, I was just like, yeah. Sure. Like, I'll just join all the clubs. And that's pretty much what I busy.

Yeah. I I was like, yeah. I'm really good at leading certain things. So I got pulled into a lot of different leadership things.

I made it so I was busy every single second of the day

and

surrounding yourself with a whole bunch of happy people is a good way to kind of push into that. You fake it until you make it. But I met a lot of different people

through those experiences. I met veterans through that experience where

talking to them, I would say is the sole thing that kinda pushed me to say, hey. Yeah. Definitely. This is what's going on. I need to get some help,

and like having that kind of friendship

and people that understand what you've gone through

helped me

to solidify in my head, like, I'm not

it's not just me. There's something truly going on and I need to correct it. And then

having all like a whole community of people

really kind of rallying around you and pushing you to

be better, to be happier.

Like it Right. It really does take a tool on you and you you start to

fake it till you make it. And

and I started to make it and

seeing how I was impacting other people

Really warms your heart

Yeah, for sure makes you feel better.

No, you're making somebody else feel better.

I there's so many times where I would just

get random messages and things like that through Facebook, and it just From me?

Maybe.

No. You're talking to me.

I I don't think we were Facebook friends until you started fishing. Like What?

Well, I'm when we moved to Florida, that's when I, I decided to go ahead and make one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gotta brag. Yeah.

But, like, having

that and when I say I went public with it, like, I

I thought it was this thing that was confined to just our campus.

So I spoke out. I was one of the main speakers at a stamp out Sigma event

back in 2015,

I think.

And somebody posted it to YouTube

and it became this thing that was bigger than just that campus

because somebody in New York saw it and they were like, yeah, I like this story.

So they flew me out to New York twice.

Once to be on Women's Health Magazine and then the second time to be on the Today Show. So

very cool experiences

from

literally crying your eyes out for about 20 minutes in front of a group of people.

Well, I mean, that that just goes to show though that these people that do feel alone, they're not alone. You know? It it impacts

a lot of people.

Yeah. It's nothing wrong with it that you're feeling that way. You just gotta go get that help. Yeah.

Find somebody. Find

something

Yep. To help.

Yeah. I think I actually remember

the day that I told Russ

to contact you

because

it was

early on when we were at the very beginning, and it was in a time that was very dark for us.

And the moment he messaged you and started talking to you, you could see

he felt hope. Yeah. So, again, I say to you,

your story is of perseverance and determination, and

you are right on that helping others is

your way of being a hero. Take what you will from that. We have

I'm just gonna tell our listeners real quick. We have what's called the Bonnie Jean, am I fan? Yes. The Grammy Jean.

Uh-huh. Yep. It is rampant. So if we get emotional, it's because we love each other. We're family. We'll have the same genes. Or you watch a weird commercial and it just hits you right, and next thing you know, you're crying over

something really really stupid like getting a pair of socks.

Right. I mean, it can make all the difference in the world. Yes. But My my feet were cold at that moment.

Yes. Yes. But,

again, I think the idea of supporting others is your way of how you have impacted your community and how you've impacted us. So

a 100%, I believe that you are

a hero in that sense. Yes.

But you also have a very extensive career background, Mandy. Yeah.

I am the jack of all trades, master of none, but I'm slowly working on that. Like, I feel like I've found my niche. I'm

making my way at it and it's just

it's exciting whenever you have a job that you actually like,

all the difference.

And it's

just, I, I'm actually right now transitioning.

I am hoping,

train underneath somebody that's retiring

at the end of, you know, probably at the end of tax season next year.

And

to see that side of it, which is

software development, like that behind the scenes product management,

That's completely different than what I'm doing right now,

but I love

to see

what I'll be doing and I hope it's something that I'll be doing the rest of my career. So Yep. That's awesome. Well, you'll be able to make it happen. Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. For sure.

But I will say whenever I say I do taxes, I only do

dead people and nonprofits.

So unless you were dead, don't

get

hitting me up on Facebook saying, Mandy, I need you to do my my 10:40.

Like, I'm not Okay. Then you die.

Yep. I mean, that's definitely

to me. Yeah. Well, I wanna talk about your culinary experience because every time you tell me stories about it, I'm just like, oh my god. That's so cool. And I think it's part of my love for Gordon Ramsay, but neither here nor there. But your experience being a chef and the the food you cook is amazing.

Let's be clear.

Did you enjoy that experience,

and what led you away from it?

So I grew up with a family that owns a restaurant, and I will say I did not enjoy that at that point. And I did not think that my life would be revolving around that.

I don't know how I got into culinary arts. In my head, I was like, yeah. I'm gonna turn our genes

it

I tried to fancy at their menu sometimes and put different specials. Old people do not want cordon bleu. They want their

hot

steaming thing of soup that I do not know how they're eating because I would burn my hands on it every single time.

But somehow, I think maybe Grammy Bonnie

somehow influenced me and I was like, yes, I'm gonna cook for people and that's gonna bring me joy and money

to Johnson and Wales, and I did culinary arts down there.

And it was awesome. Like, it was a fun experience because

you are in a new class every single 9 days and you are constantly trying

everything.

You are just doing different

like cooking techniques. You are doing different cuisines.

Every single 9 days you had a different thing.

And it was fantastic. And I do not know how I didn't gain, like, £50, but I managed to not.

So it was

fantastic at that point, and I love that area.

Charlotte has my heart. Whereas I'm like, one day, maybe I'll go and retire there. Just it it's just absolutely beautiful down there. The weather,

much better than Ohio and Pennsylvania.

100%.

And I Could we talk you into coming to Florida?

Maybe. Yes.

I definitely I definitely think you could probably

coerce a lot of our family

from the south eventually.

Oh, yeah. For sure. We just need to try and get Grammy Bonny. But

that's the hard sticking point at this point. That's not gonna work. Walter. You won't have to buy as much oil to eat to heat that house if you come and stay be a snowbird. Just be a snowbird. Yeah. She got it.

No. But I just I got into

working for a restaurant out by State College. I was an executive chef. And I think the moment that I realized it's not gonna work out was whenever I

found out that the person below me, my sous chef,

was a high school graduate,

no real background, and was making 50¢ less than me. And I was working all day, every day,

every weekend, every holiday,

just constantly.

So there's a reason why all chefs are usually on drugs.

That she has to probably get through.

Right?

Yep. They have their own mental health experiences,

it sounds like, for sure.

Yes.

Well, we kinda we definitely hit on the whole veteran experience and your military experience, but you mentioned that it was the best shape that you were in when you were in

basic and throughout your deployment.

I would beg to differ and say maybe now?

Yeah, girl.

She would slash her muscles for everybody who can't see.

I would say that maybe now is maybe your best that you've you know, physical shape that you've been in.

I'm, you know, I'm not I'm not one to judge, but

do you agree? No. I would I would agree, and I would say

I was definitely not ready in basic. I was

I struggled. I was not in good shape.

They put me at a as a road guard because that meant that you had to run up to the road to stop traffic before everyone else came through, and then you'd have to run back and just constant running. And it was a good way for me to lose weight, but I was not in good shape.

Being deployed, you don't have anything better to do, so you work out.

But I didn't know how to work out, so it wasn't

yeah.

Exactly. In less gym equipment.

Right. This bag of sand up and drop. Yes. Exactly. And it was weird because there was local civilians that would usually work in the gym and they would just stare at you because they're not used to seeing women

work out.

So they would just sit down and they would just watch you.

Or like the one time they asked me to move a box. They're like, could you move that box? I'm like, yeah, I can move that box.

That's you. I'm a super human.

I'm moving this

5 pound box like, can't you?

Right. No. I wanna see you do it. Yeah. But I mean, now

it took me

having Noelle, my daughter. It took me having her and getting to a spot where I would see pictures of me and her. And I would be like, oh, like

all that work that you did during

your career in the the military.

Well, now you've just let it go. And I hated seeing pictures of myself. There are very few pictures that exist now that have pictures of me and Noelle

whenever she's like infant. When she is little, I I take pictures of her, but I did not take pictures of myself. And

I got to a point where I was like, I need

to change it because either I'm not gonna be in her life because I'm

so unhealthy

or I don't wanna be ashamed to be in those pictures with I wanna be in those pictures with her.

Mhmm. So I just took me doing that. Took the pandemic.

Everyone else was quitting the gym and they're like, yeah. Like, we're gonna confine and just stay home and I was like, you know what? I have all this free time. I might as well work out. So I You worked out with sandbags in Afghanistan. Why not?

Yeah. So I worked out in my backyard.

I worked out everywhere. And then finally, I joined the gym and I just went ham with that. And I've Yeah. Really found a good home gym where they are constantly

pushing me and challenge me. There's days where I'm like, I don't wanna be here. I feel weak.

And my coach Olivia will be like, hey, Mandy. Is that is that all your lifting? I know you can do more than that. And I'm like, way to call me out. I just wanna lift this 10 pound weight, and you're gonna call me out and be like, you need to pick up 30 fives or forties.

Yeah. Well, isn't that part of what keeps you honest, though, is accountability. If you're

just telling yourself, yeah, I'm weak today.

Yeah. I can only pick up £10. And then you got somebody yelling at you. Yep. That helps a lot.

Makes you take it more serious. Yeah. It's also very encouraging

to yourself and uplifting whenever you do pick up those 35s and you go, oh, man. It's actually still pretty light. And then Yeah. Maybe I wasn't so weak. Yeah. And then you're like, maybe I could go even more. And then you get to these points where you're like, oh, like, I just crave going to the gym. Like, the gym has become a lot of my therapy. I think it's Right. You can sling weights around. Like, they have these amazing things called slam balls. Like,

great

frustration

taker outers. I can't slam my husband.

I mean, you could. I mean, you could.

I immediately

regretted that after I said that.

But if you'd like. Yes. Yes. We love you, Aaron.

Different. And I like, it's sad because I know a mute like, he's gonna listen to this. He's there's no Alright.

You you said you said you can't, so that that's good.

You didn't say you wanted to. Right.

Oh, I thought you were going there like slam like sexually, but

oh, man. Like,

they were crying. You want to go? Got all back.

Yeah. Well

Slam laws, frustration, non errors. Got it. Frustration,

yes. Very good therapy

rather than abusing your spouse.

Yes. Yes.

We don't condone that here. That's the unholy union. No. We don't. We don't. Well, speaking of I mean, you kinda mentioned that it's the best therapy. How do you feel it impacts your mental health? Oh, if I do not go to the gym immediately, I I feel, If I do not go to the gym immediately,

I I feel

that sense. Like, I I don't feel in control. I this is some piece of my day that I know that I have complete and utter control over

and that

I it just satisfies me in a way that

nothing else will. So I need that.

If I don't like, I don't have to go to the gym and go ham every single day where I'm, like, balls to the wall, like, every single day just busting

myself down because I I think there's that unhealthy balance

that you can get into.

But even if I'm just

taking some part of my day and doing some form of movement or exercise or stretching,

it's enough to alleviate

and do what I need.

Feel seen.

Absolutely.

Our episode

last week was the same thing. Katie Isaac went through some mental health

stuff, and this is her outlet. Mhmm. And this is her job now.

Is it your next job, Mandy?

I have you like your tax job. I I love my tax job.

But I would be open to eventually maybe doing some kind of training. I don't know if it would be personal training, but there's so many times where I'm in a class

and I was like, yeah, like, I could do that. Like, I could do a CrossFit class and train people or I can I can see it? Yeah. So

I don't know. It's just

it's it's there if I need it and you get to verbally abuse people.

Yeah. Yeah.

As a as a trainer.

She's

yelling out somebody's name and, like, cheering them on, and I love that. Yeah. For sure. No. I'm just kidding. But she will call you out and tell you you're being weak.

Right.

We also mentioned that you are involved in your community, whether that's with Penn State or

anything that you really find passion in is what it seems like, and you

kinda just go for it. So you've done a lot with Penn State and you were just on

oh, what is it, frankly speaking? You were just on frankly speaking. I I watched it. You did so great.

But what what do you feel like you benefit from being so involved in either Penn State or in the other organizations?

What do you feel like you gain from being involved in that? And then also, what do you feel like you give back?

Well, especially with Penn State Chienango,

they are the smallest

campus.

So I feel like whenever you say Penn State, you get this, like, idea of State College, like,

ginormous

campus with so much following behind it. And then you have this campus where

they're celebrating

whenever they've got 100 new students enrolled for the next semester. It's the numbers are so different, but it doesn't mean they're any less

impactful

or

important

in knowing that history of that campus and personally going there and knowing those people, like, I want to see

that campus

not only just stay, but like to thrive and to get bigger in

having involvement

with them, especially as an alumni.

I know that I can help channel that. I know I can help

in any way that I can, whether it be slinging

hot dogs, you know, at a golf outing or,

even just being there for students. And if they have

questions or if they need a mentor or if they need a recommendation

for what jobs to apply for, that to me is so

rewarding,

to know that place is gonna continue to grow.

But also with them,

I'm also involved with Lady Scouts, which is like Girl Scouts with wine.

And it's so I love it. Like, we get patches. We've got the the matching brown cardigans. Like, it's super cool because you have such a wide range of ages

involved in that group. And I I tend to be friends with all the older retired women,

But I I'm all about that. Like, they got their shit together.

For sure.

Uh-huh.

But it's just it's fun because every single event that they have,

they give to charity.

Like, they are a nonprofit,

so it's not just all fun and games. It is fun, but every single thing that we do ends up helping the community in some way, shape, or form, whether it be giving to the animal shelter,

giving to

different women's shelters,

giving to a food bank.

They are so

involved

directly in the community that I live with that I cannot

not be a part of it. Like, it just

it's there and I've the overteacher in me, the one that's like, yes, join all the clubs. That's my ticket. That's what I wanna put my stakes in. Right. And then even crew, like, I've been blessed a lot of different times of

modeling with her. She ends up doing, she does these

online

fashion advice,

different online

fashion

auctions.

She

is just an entrepreneur

to the fullest. Like she

is such an amazing person.

Her best friend is a photographer. So anytime they need

a model, I'm like, yes, please sign me up because I get to wear clothes and then I get to get amazing photo photoshops. But, like, also knowing them, it's not

just

you're going to go and buy something that's super expensive. It's affordable for every single person.

And I

love I'm a major thrifter

and that

aspect of I'm helping a community by not

buying brand new clothes.

And also helping my husband's wallet,

buying brand new clothes.

I like that. So I've got my hands in everything

and I just enjoy

being

busy. Yeah. It keeps your mind busy, and that's important.

Constantly moving forward.

Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

We've gone all over a lot of heavy stuff.

We've got fun questions for you now. Yay. Yay. Yay. For a fun question? Yes.

What would you do tomorrow

if you won $10,000,000

tonight?

Oh, I would immediately,

before I even picked up that money, like,

assuming that it's it's all tax free because you would have to, like, factor that all in. I would immediately open up a blind trust and then go pick it up under the anonymous

trust so no one knows I have any of that money, and then put it in there, invest,

pay off all the bills, pay my family.

It'd be like secretly helping people,

but not

publicly helping people. Yeah. For sure. For sure. You don't wanna you don't wanna pick that jackpot up and

have your picture taken because then you'll have the the vultures coming. Can can we just talk for a second about how well thought out this answer is, like, financially?

This is how much No. I work with trust. Like, I I see the direct impact of that and what can happen if you don't protect it. But I've also seen how people

successfully

do that. And I'm like, like, I'll take notes on that. Okay. So I'm watching Suits right now. I'm I'm in that series Benjie and there's this one financial guy. You're the Lewis Litt of our family is what I'm saying. I don't know if you've seen the show. But the Lewis Litt financial

expert because that was a well thought out answer. Yes. Yes.

Well, I kinda live that life

without the money. We're gonna trust.

Everybody else that we ask, they're like, I'm gonna fucking

donate it to charity and

all kinds of shit. You open up a separate trust for the charitable side of it, and then you get you know, you can live off of the the net income of that trust, but still get the tax benefit of not paying taxes on certain portions. So Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's something good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We need a whole podcast with financial guys demanding. Yes. I I in my mind, I'm like, yeah. Open up all these trusts. I would open up a scholarship in perpetuity.

Always wanted that. And, like, that'll be my goal in life is that one day

I will have enough money that I can have a scholarship for somebody.

Yeah.

And like there there's no reason why not to. There's just,

you just have to have a certain dollar amount and then the interest of that will carry it on and pay some

hopeful student

for the rest of that duration, like, well beyond

your living years. And Right. And it will have your name on it. And you're helping people forever.

Yes, I am thoroughly impressed with that answer.

Yes. But I'd also go on a vacation. Definitely.

Probably Where did you go? Florida. Oh, yeah. There you go. Well, it'd be a very cheap vacation because you could stay with that.

Oh, sweet.

Yeah. Just gotta buy me a boat. Oh, okay.

A truck to pull it. Okay then. Okay. Alright.

I'm calling maybe.

So besides being so impactful

in life, in your community, and all the things,

what is your favorite thing to do?

Oh, that's so hard because I feel like that consumes a lot of my time and I every part of me is like, yeah, just hanging out with Noelle. But I'm also in a stage of Noelle's life where she's 5 and she does not stop talking

for a second. Uh-huh. And I do believe she It doesn't stop.

Our daughter's 8. It doesn't stop. Nope.

Yeah. So I would say spending time we just went camping.

So any kind

of adventure that we can have as a family, me, Aaron, and Noel,

those

are my happiest moments. Just

sporadic

road trips. I don't care if we're going to Cleveland for a day to go sit on a park bench. It's happened.

Yeah. We had pizza.

Maybe that's why I was so happy. I don't I don't know. Doesn't Cleveland have its own style of pizza? Isn't that a thing? I don't know. I've never

we have a particular place that every single time we are near there, I'm like, please, please just let me order it.

They've got some kind of weird crust topper and then they put like a a bourbon demi glace

on top. It's real of Mandy coming out. Yeah. Oh, but it sounds like like, I could I could literally drink

the the sauce.

It's

just so good.

No one would judge you. No one would judge you.

Well I've got one. Go for it. What is the craziest thing about Florida you've ever heard?

Because I know I I know you've heard. I I have heard about this weird thing with pineapples. People hanging up pineapples

and that really scares me because I love pineapple print

every

day. And if I have them upside down

yeah. As long as it's not upside down, you're okay. But that's how you get a pineapple, it'll become juicier.

If you put it upside down and it's supposed to help it to ripen faster

and like it's better fruit. So Just don't do it outside.

Okay. Okay. People see it. Yeah. Like but if the wind blows and I have, like, decorations on my door and it accidentally turns upside down, like, I don't I don't need that kind of visitor. I don't know. I can come in. I can come in.

Yeah. Although, in in Florida, they actually have loofahs too.

Loofahs is a thing, the body loofah, body scrubs

things. The different colors mean how far you are willing to go. Ew. And people put these on their cars.

Yeah. Put in their cars. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just washing my damn car. Like, don't come at me, bro. I'm just washing this car and it's loofahs, but that means you're willing to go all the way.

Ashley.

No.

No loofahs. Apparently, no pineapples.

I just I gotta wear some solid white colors and nothing else. And don't put white rocks in front of your house either. That's another

winger

thing.

But I love Oh, you got them in on the secret, what the loofahs are and the pineapples are.

But I love white rocks. That's just, like, super sharp to me. We've done that a lot in our our previous houses where we had, like, the landscaping and he had some black mulch and then you had some what, like, a border of white rocks.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Just Don't do it.

You're telling people certain things.

There was a whole community in Virginia that the HOA actually banned the White Rocks because it was the sing yeah. The signal of swingers in the neighborhood.

Why can't things just mean just they're just big? It's pretty.

Yeah, yeah. I like white rocks. What the hell?

I like pineapple.

Yeah, Grammy Bonnie loves pineapple and she can never go to Florida because of that.

That's right.

And we just won't let her in the villages. Okay? Yeah.

Our house.

Yeah. You can't let her there. That place is crazy. Highest

highest rate of STDs in the US.

No. You don't want it in, like, that can't be, like, a pleasant

sight going on because these aren't super Just one of those ones. Grandmas.

Yeah. That's all it is. Yeah. We got dance parties all the time and

bingo night. That's that's fun. Yeah. Okay. That's part of it.

Yeah. Till the pineapples come out. Yeah. It's the aftermath.

Yes.

In the words of Grammy Bonnie, she said this to me right before I had a bachelorette party. She said, once you've seen one dong in your face, you've seen them all.

You you just can't unforgettable that.

Especially coming from her. Yes.

Thanks. Very graphic image.

Yeah. Alright.

She's amazing.

Well, I think we're coming to the end here, Mandy. Where can people find you? What are your social medias or anything else you wanna tell us? Where can people find you? I am on Facebook,

Mandy Renee. You probably have to look for me because I am hidden out there. But then also on Instagram,

I believe it's also Mandy Renee.

I am probably the worst person to find on social media because I think probably why my mental health has gotten so much better is because I don't do a lot of social media.

Mhmm. But I have to like, in my head, I'm like, yes. Whenever I get some free time, I'm gonna own that and I'm gonna be a major influencer.

I don't I don't know what's going on in my head. That probably will never happen, but every once in a while, I'd post

cute pictures of either my child or an animal

or gym pictures. I don't I don't know. But you can find me inspirational

things about your journey and experience. And you were just on,

frankly speaking. It takes me a second to get that in my head.

So, yeah, you you post good stuff, Mandy. Get you got good stuff. Yes. I just haven't had time for that, but

I'm trying. I'm trying. Everyone

maybe it'll get better. You can find me and maybe it will get better. Maybe it won't. I don't

I can't guarantee anything, but I am very good about if somebody reaches out to me

either, you know, Facebook Messenger, Instagram,

I

will reach out again to I will comment back or I will I'll get ahold of you. I I just I don't I don't know why, but I will check

it 2 or 3 times a day. And if somebody messaged me, yeah, I'll chat you up.

Yeah. For sure.

Yep. Well, that's definitely what you did for us, and we can't thank you enough for everything you did through our experience and for sharing your story today. So,

thanks, Mandy. Yeah. No. I love you guys. I every time, I'm like, oh, man. I just I need to live closer to you guys or you guys need to go closer to me. I know that's not happening because Ohio sucks.

But, like, it just I like, you guys are

relationship

goals, hashtag whatever.

But, like, you guys always put yourself down as, like, the the arguing couple. I'm like, you guys are right up there as, like,

my

the couple that I look up to. And you guys

are really doing awesome. Love the show. My husband definitely loves the show. He's like

he's over here fangirling.

So yeah. Yes.

Yep. Yep. We love you, Aaron.

Gotta say it for him once. Mhmm. But, no, we love you too. And, seriously, come down whenever you can. Just come down and drag Grammy Ronnie with you. But

we'll one day get her here.

Well, what do you think, Russ? I'm good.

I like it. Thanks, Mandy.

Thank you. Thank you, guys.

Another amazing episode I know. Interview. I don't think we can do our solo ones anymore. Bullshit. What? Well, they're terrible compared to these interviews.

Our hard work is not terrible. No. But that was a really good interview. It was.

The past

2,

3 up, 4. All of them.

You need to go to bed. I'm not trying to discount any of the interviews anybody has has done for us. They've all been really good. Absolutely.

Yeah. And her being my cousin, no bias there, but her story

is amazing to me Yes. What she has gone through. She proves that

you

can, in fact, get better. Absolutely. Because

she admitted it that she attempted

suicide. Yes. But

she's still here Yep. And she's doing better than she ever has. Absolutely. So you can get out of it. Yep. You just have to believe and go

get help.

Persevere and be determined just like Mandy. Stay stay busy,

do stuff,

fun stuff

Yep.

And go outside,

get some some sun. Exercise.

I can't do that, though.

Well, it's a common theme, though, between Mandy and Katie at this point. It's the common theme for both of their

mental health Their coping mechanisms. Thank you. Mental health coping mechanism is to

I'm there. What is their mechanism?

Their mental health coping mechanism is to

exercise and it makes them feel better. So Yep. On top of talking, on top of getting down to the root of the problem, on top of

nutrition, it also meant for your mental health, it is physical too. Yeah. Do you don't you think that maybe there's a correlation here with rising mental illnesses in the world? Do you think it has to do with technology and people staying inside all the time? Sedentary jobs. Yes. Sedentary jobs, sitting at a desk all day,

staring at a screen,

getting this artificial blue light shoved in your eyes

and your brain constantly being on because

your eye receptors that make melatonin to tell your body to go to sleep aren't activated. Okay. Calm down, mister No. Eye doctor. I'm saying

people read their phones in bed. I am a I am the worst for this. Mhmm. And it makes your body not want to shut down.

It it's just strange.

Like,

exercise,

nutrition,

therapy,

and if needed, medication Yep. You can get better. Absolutely.

And her story is nothing but inspirational. So Sure.

All the way from her military experience and

all of the careers she's had. Yeah. She stays proud of her. Super busy, and that's awesome. Yep. I'm super proud of her and very thankful that she was in our life. Oh, well, she's always been in mine, but

but for for you during your journey and Oh, yes. She was a resource for me. She was there every time I would text her, she would answer, and it wasn't me waiting either. It was almost immediate. Like, oh, shit. He needs help. Let me stop what I'm doing and help him. Yep.

So and I thank her for that too. Absolutely.

Love you.